Previously Published On Hubpages.com

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Journey Upwards (Fantasy)

Source: freestockimages.com

(This morning, I challenged myself to write, edit and publish a hub in 120 minutes. This is what turned out. I probably could've used another 30 minutes.)

I was flying. Soaring high in the air with no wings or plane or helicopter or aircraft of any type! Zooming through the air as a superman clone, flying high above the ocean one moment, and then over land and the great cities of the world the next. Ahead, a jetliner rolled to the left to avoid the oncoming collision. An unnecessary maneuver, for I could guide myself with ease and accuracy.

Source: microsoft.com/images

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There was no chill nor heat to be felt. I wondered how this could be. Logic would tell me that the wind would freeze me at this supersonic speed, or that the velocity of my flight would burn me to a cinder. Yet, here I was, rising higher and higher above the Earth’s surface, feeling neither.

The dampness of the white cotton balls dried immediately upon passing through. From blue to white to blue in a flash of a second. There was darkness looming ahead. Never-ending, it presented a vast array of possible skyway avenues upon which to travel. All I had to do was to choose.

Source: Freestockimages.com

Source: micorsoft.com/images

Unbearable silence consumed my existence. Deeper and deeper into the Broadway of Starlight’s ahead, I veered towards the closest attraction, the Moon. Here a flag still held its stoic pose from years before, a historic feat for man, yet, only a walk across the street for me. Other items of technology past were covered in the moon surface’s coating, too deeply to make out their purpose. What purpose? They were now only pieces of trash resting and waiting for time to dispose of their shape and structure. Useless.

I dove, running my hand along the surface, moon dust rising and lingering in the lack of gravity. I encircled this dead orb, wondering how it had come to be, and how long it would remain. The multiple craters certainly had wounded and scarred this perfect ball of rock and dust. Perhaps fatally not so many centuries ago. How long before the rock completely turned to dust and dissolved entirely?

Source: Freestockimages.com

Source: microsoft.com/images

As I circled a second time, I left the side furthest from the Earth to see our planet facing me. The combination of blue vastness, littered with land masses filled my vision. There, hidden under the misty swirling whiteness of a massive covering of clouds, was my home. A place I remember not leaving this morning.

“Wait” I told myself. Voices of reason and logic suddenly stormed the battered insides of my skull. This was not a possibility, only an impossibility! No reality here! How am I flying? How am I breathing? Why has my body not shriveled in this vacuum of emptiness? Then, only blackness remained!

Source: Freestockimages.com

Source: microsoft.com/images

No more thoughts! Only an explosion of bursting sound destroying my existence. I could feel my body throbbing with pain! I was being dissolved as I had imagined the moon to be in the future. My outer coating had consumed my internal pieces and nothing had survived to keep me as one. I was falling, falling further and further as I grew smaller and smaller, body particles escaping with each passing second. My fate had been sealed.

I opened my eyes to a glowing orb shining its brilliance, forcing me to shield my vision from its rays. My ears were somewhat swollen and tender as I touched them wanting to find the item of such agony. Ah, the earphones were still in place and still attached to my I-Pod. Slowly, I removed them from their anchors of soreness. As my senses slowly returned, I recognized my plight and made myself a solemn vow.

Source: Wikipedia.org

Major Tom to Ground Control ... get this!

“That’s the last damn time I get drunk and listen to Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side Of The Moon” in bed!”

A Christmas Story 2012 (A Political Satire)

Source: Microsoft Images

Conflict's Brewing

Santa Claus was in a fix.

The elves wanted more money and more time off. They had no union, and so Santa decided he'd had enough of their complaints.

"I'm going to move my shop! All of the toy making will go to China and the cheap labor rates they have! If you elves don't want to work for what I pay you, see what jobs you can get when the factory's gone!"

And with that, Santa went out to the stable to harness up the reindeer to his sleigh.

"They just don't realize how good they have it!" he said under his breath. "I've tried to give them the best working conditions, even though the heat does go out sometimes. And, I've always got their checks ready for them, although I did cut wages back this year. Hell, my wife and I have got new property to pay for in the Bahamas and there's only so much money to go around! They're completely ungrateful!"

I Don't Want To Hear It! I'll Move The Factory To China Or Mexico If You Keep It Up!!

Source: Stock Free Images

We're Fed Up! You're Driving Us To The Poor House!

Source: Microsoft Images

Hello, China! Let's Talk About Moving A Factory!

Source: Stock Free Images

Not The Reindeer, Too!

When Santa opened the door to the stable and was shocked by what he saw! The reindeer were fighting each other, banging antlers against antlers and kicking hooves in a fervor.

"Stop this! Stop this! I'm telling you to stop this now!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Hearing his shouts, the reindeer stopped for a moment and turned their attention towards Santa. Out of breath and with anger in their eyes, his was an unnecessary intrusion.

"What's going on here?" Santa asked."You reindeer have the life! You only work one night a year! The rest of the time you can lounge around and enjoy life! Why in the world are you fighting each other?"

"It's because of you!" Rudolph yelled."You and your wage cutting have made it so we can't afford to eat, little lone feed our families. First, you make us all wear the same decorations so no one's offended. Then, you won't let me use my red nose anymore for fear that the others will get jealous. Next, you ignore contracts we've had and cut our pay so that you can get a bigger share of the profits, even though this is supposed to be a non profit organization. Finally, you cut back on feed for us saying you can't afford it and that we all need to go on a diet anyway! So, we're fighting over feed right now! Some of us barely have the strength to fight. Why, look at Dasher over there! He's not only old, but he's skinny and weak. His experience means nothing to you as you're getting ready to cast him out before his retirement age, just to save you from having to pay him a monthly check. You're not the same Santa you used to be. You're an ogre!"

Santa got so ticked off he turned around and as he started walking towards his house he hollered, "Well, you're all fired! I'm moving the toy factory to China anyway, so I'll just get cheaper reindeer there, or find some other country that has them cheap. Your experience isn't needed, just as long as I get the job done on Christmas Eve! Now, see how it feels to not have anything coming in the way of wages or food!"

Let's Git 'Er Done!

Barely finishing in time as the sun came up, Santa struggled to get the reindeer back to their stable. They were worn out from the evening's travels, even after missing many of the stops they should have made. Just not the quality he'd been used to traveling with, but they'd got the bulk of it done, and for half the price. So what if they'd missed a few.

As Santa and Mrs. Claus rested, soaking in the sun on the beach behind their Bahama vacation home, Santa thought about the holiday. Everything had seemed second rate. The toys weren't up to par, the reindeer were far from perfect, and he knew many children that had deserved toys had awaken to the disappointment of having none.

His old elves were either working in burger joints for minimum wage or on unemployment. The reindeer were homeless with their families, and either living in temporary Salvation Reindeer shelters or starving.

Yet, here he and his wife was, soaking up the rays of a tropical sun, sipping on fruity drinks, and enjoying the good life.

Yes, life was good!

A Final Thought On Christmas 2012

Many have memories of happy Christmas Seasons in the past, that won't be coming their way this year. Big business and governmental treaties have changed many lives for the worse, as jobs have flowed overseas. Still, the government brags about more and more created jobs (mostly in the $10 per hour poverty scale) being provided.

CEO's and upper level management get huge bonuses as the middle and bottom rungs starve. Yet, there is no guilt. That is the way it simply works out, or so they say. Sooner or later, many of them will find themselves in that same position. Only then do they protest the reality of the plight.

Christmas is supposed to be a time to remember the birth of Christ. The giving of gifts is reminiscent of the gifts bestowed the baby Jesus upon finding him in the stable. That is the simple meaning of Christmas and the gifts we bestow others.

The retail industry has used Black Friday to transform those beliefs we should hold into a shopping madness. Perhaps, this year, we should restrain our purchases to the absolute minimums. We do so not only to be wary of what may happen to us in the upcoming year, but in protest of where the gifts purchased are produced.

To support a country where Christmas has no meaning by purchasing the goods it produces for a Christian Holiday is just about as hypocritical as one can get. Instead, send the message to the manufacturers that you no longer accept these common practices of deception so they can enjoy the Bahamas, and other vacation paradises.

Perhaps, this is the year we all stick together. Hopefully, in upcoming years, what we wish all to receive from our hearts is truly what they can enjoy ...

"Merry Christmas!"

Memories Must Be Remembered

To reminisce is to mind travel into the past and relive memories, good and bad. Our lives were all different, as we are all products from where we came. Still, we grew up in days of much in common. This list is provided not to replace the memories of which you cherish, but possibly, to help you remember some you've forgotten.

The question is simple, "Do you remember ....."

1. chasing an uncooperative puppy around the yard all afternoon?

2. tasting the sweetness of cotton candy for the first time?

3. being scared to death to ride the Ferris Wheel with you dad?

4. being overwhelmed by seeing your first movie in the theater?

5. the happiness and self satisfaction you felt the first time you were able to tie your shoes by yourself?

6. the utter frustration the next morning when you forgot how to tie your shoelaces and had to admit it to your mother?

7. falling in love with your first grade teacher who was the sweetest creature, besides your mom, that you had ever known?

8. that idiotic kitten that kept sharpening claws on your father's chair as he threatened to throw it outside?

9. feeling like you were on top of the world the first time you sat high in the sky on a horse's back?

10. catching a ball in your stiff, brand new baseball mitt?

11. the feeling of success to be riding your bike without training wheels for the first time?

12. the pain, anger and embarrassment at getting your first spanking?

13. telling everyone how old you were, being sure to add the 1/2 after the years so they'd know you were getting older by the moment?

14. sneaking a quick peak out from under the covers to see if all the scary monsters had left your room?

15. wanting bunk beds more than anything in the world, even though you knew you'd have to wait until your brother or sister grew up before you'd get the top bunk?

16. going under water in the swimming pool for the first time to see how long you could hold your breath and feeling you lungs feel like they'd explode?

17. the absolute wonderment at seeing your first Disney movie?

18. the mystery of trying to figure out how they got those ships in those little bottles?

19. the thrill mixed with fear of riding the big yellow school bus for the first time?

20. lying to your parents about why you were late coming home, after forgetting about time while talking to friends?

21. feeling of being all grown up your first day of high school, at least until freshmen initiations started by the evil juniors and seniors?

22. looking across the classroom in English Class and seeing that special someone that first made your heart flutter?

23. how embarrassed you were when the hip new outfit you had begged your parents to buy was the joke that everyone made fun of?

24. the first gag reflex you ever had when you had to dissect a frog in Biology Class?

25. the unique excitement and fear of your first date?

26. how wet and icky the experience of your first kiss was?

27. how you couldn't wait to see your true love and walk holding hands between high school classes?

28. the unique excitement and fear of your first date's reactions to romance at a drive-in movie?

29. the thrill of independence in getting your driver’s license?

30. how you despised and hated the one that had broken your heart?

31. the inconsistent running of your first car?

32. the beauty of the song that you swore would be yours for life?

33. the romance of the first slow song you danced to?

34. the dreaminess of the prom night you wished would last forever, or, at least your curfew?

35. getting nervous over going steady, knowing that summer was coming and you'd be going to college in the fall, without them?

36. the sense of strength of your graduation day and the excitement of that night's party?

37. how frustrated you felt, hating the burger joint job, the summer before college?

38. being out of high school and you parents still nagging you to clean up your room?

39. how you finally realized how much you were loved by your parents crying as you left for college?

40. the disgust you had when you first saw your first roommate at college?

41. how you thought class would never end with the professor that bored you the most?

42. the fantasies you created in your mind about the hot teaching assistant you desired?

43. how much fun it was getting drunk and sick for the first time?

44. how lousy you felt the morning of your first hangover?

45. the nerves and hands shaking at getting or giving your engagement ring?

46. the questions that flooded your brain trying to ruin your wedding day?

47. the trials and tribulations of pregnancy and all those going through it together?

48. suffering the pain together and thinking labor would never end?

49. the total joy of seeing your first child for the first time, after you passed out and finally woke up?

And, do you remember

50. how to thank God in recognizing how much you’ve had to cherish and remember, and praying for more?

We can’t live in the past, as we must live in accordance to our responsibilities of today.

Yet, we must never forget!

Hospital Treatment ... or Hospital Torture? (Humor)

Foreward:

Somewhat like a movie from the 80's, "I'm Back!"

(Yeah, I know, some of you are saying, "Oh, have you been gone? I hadn't even noticed!" Hublove is in the air!)

I'd love to say it was a wonderful vacation, but eye operations are something that one doesn't usually have listed on a "Bucket List!"

A couple of things before I get started.One: Thanks to all of you that sent me well wishes via Facebook and such! There are times one really appreciates the Hubpage community and the friends it brings. Two: A special thanks to those of you that shared some of my hubs and commented during my medical absence. Coming back and not having any "ZZZ's" to deal with is a real surprise, and one to make one thankful of having such great friends!

So, without getting any more mushy, let's proceed!

We Will, We Will, Rock You ... And Torture You!

IT'S ONLY A DISGUISE!!! THESE ARE EXPERTS OF TORTURE!!!

Source: Stock Free Images

We Want Your Business, And We'll Tell You Anything To Get It!

Hospitals have become profit oriented facilities. They advertise on television and in newspapers, vie for A.M.A. and other professional organization rankings, and consider themselves above the law to all except malpractice attorneys.

My first visit to a hospital was over 50 years ago at the age of three. (This was actually my second visit, since I was born in one. Yet, I don't really remember that one, except for the old geezer that slapped me and has forever since been hiding from the abuse lawsuit.) I remember the nurses were all kind and smiling to one so young, and even brought me plastic soldiers with which to play.

Over the years, various injuries and broken bones, a venomous snake bite, a heart attack and other issues have brought us together several times. Regardless of the circumstances, never have I been sorry to leave.

Whenever I am in a hospital, I do my best to be amiable and humorous. My philosophy is that if they like you, they’ll take care of you properly. Having just endured another visit, I find that is not always the case. Also, areas of improvement are in dire need, especially considering the price one has to pay for the treatment received.

Areas Of Change Needed!

1) Hospital Gowns. These items, originally designed by Mel Brooks as a joke, are in dire need of update. Why would it be feasible to tie a piece of cloth around one's neck that covers only a portion of the human body?

I’m guessing that most operations occur from the front side of the body, not the backside. So, why does the half thigh length gown only cover the front, and is split wide open in the back? If you’re having a frontal operation, wouldn’t this mean they’d cover your face with the bottom portion that had been touching the family jewels? Is part of the recovery room process to wash the odor of one’s lower parts off the face of the patient before they awake and wonder, "What did I do while I was unconscious?"

Also, we all know sheets are cold. The freezing of one's backside serves no medical benefit whatsoever. If frozen buns were desired, we’d never buy fresh.

2) Meal Selection. I am sure that hospital dieticians do their best to ensure quality meals are planned for the patients in the hospitals. However, in planning these meals, dieticians need to consider items that the patient can physically handle. (In the next room, I overheard a conversation between a nurse and an elderly patient discussing the ability to chew roast beef without one's dentures in detail, No substitute was provided.)

Mealtime proved to be an adventure to one with no vision. Having both of my eyes bandaged, I found myself left alone attempting to locate silverware and the food items on the plate left several feet away. Fingering mashed potatoes is an interesting experience for toddlers learning how to eat, but to an adult, it is not a recommended by Emily Post or anyone else. Another meal consisted of some sort of spaghetti ... I think. Again, this is not a dish one can easily eat with bandages over the eyes, or with fingers.

I wondered, "Why not simply a cup of broth and a bunch of Ritz Crackers?"

But then again, I don’t work in the hospital, so what would I know?

Medications are expected. Let's not be selfish with them when it comes to helping a patient deal with the pain!

Source: Stock Free Images

3) Medications! Having inhaled in my earlier days (yes, I admit it), pain relieving medications are something that I will take without argument, when prescribed. Morphine shots, when supplied legally in a treatment facility, are a gift that deserves the I-Pod accompaniment of Janis Joplin, The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, and Pink Floyd. However, hospitals are getting less and less amiable in their desires to ease one's suffering.

Let me say it this way, "We're paying for them so give 'em up!"

Having bandages over one's eyes doesn't allow for a lot of entertainment possibilities. In addition, pain is not a necessity in healing. In fact, pain is not at all necessary in healing!

During the stage of the healing process in which pain is a partner, allow one to revisit the days of the late 60's and early 70's and become one with the times. Allow mind expansion, especially for those that cannot do anything else. It wouldn't hurt the hospital in the least, with the exception of cutting down the personal stashes of the doctors and nurses who use them for recreational purposes.

Some may like this ... and some may not. Your viewing pleasure is not mine to judge.

Source: AETV

4) Room Television Programming.The hospital I stayed in provided cable TV. This may have been fortunate for a person able to see where the remote control was at and that could channel check appropriately.

However, Honey Boo Boo, Duck Dynasty, Axe Men, and Appalachian Snake Man are not programs I wish to see (when able) or listen. (I'm still awaking in the middle of the night with nightmares of ducks with beards being chased by men with axes and snakes while a candy bar eating Honey Boo Boo giggles about it!)

Also, leaving the television on 24 hours a day is a form of torture that surpasses water boarding, especially when cable stations repeat programs two and three times an evening. Listening to one more episode of The Haunting will ensure I'm coming back and haunting the entire hospital when I die!

Sponge Bath fantasies can be quite helpful in taking one's mind off of the pain of medical treatment ... and being shaved by unskilled personnel!

Source: Stock Free Images

5) Personal Hygiene & Shaving. The concept of “giving a sponge bath” is one that I seriously didn’t mind at all. (Now if I can only get my wife to do it for me .... naw, forget that!)

I fantasized a picture of the nurse performing this task. There's no doubt it was probably much better than the actual reality had I been able to see.

However, shaving is not necessary. When eye bandages are removed and one see’s razor burns on the chin and under the nose, a shock factor suddenly makes itself present. Shaving one’s legs does not make a person an expert at shaving one’s face (although I understand some male and female nurses do both).

Please, let the whiskers grow and allow the patient the option of only shedding blood once, instead of twice! In addition, when you get home, it keeps your cats from wanting to go out and get even with the cat that scratched you all over your face!

See! You're Smiling! Isn't that better than counting backwards and being bored?

Source: Stock Free Images

6) Anesthesiologists. Please change you’re phraseology. For decades, you’ve asked patients to count backwards from 100. This is boring.

As you found out, attempting to say,“Three, six nine, the goose drank wine, the monkey chewed tobacco on the street Caroline, the line broke, the monkey choked, and they all went to Heaven in a little row boat" is much more fun and puts a smile on everyone’s face!

If you're going to be operated on, don't you want everyone involved to be in a good mood? The last thing you need is someone with a scalpel cutting on you while he's thinking about his wife that's cheating, or how he's going to explain his cheating to his wife!

Let those who can't walk ride. Otherwise, cast it aside!

Source: Stock Free Images

7) Wheelchair Departures. It is complete lunacy to expect a person with their eyes bandaged to “feel” their way to the bathroom facilities, but require them to exit the hospital in a wheelchair when vision has returned.

In the words of a once wise man,"DUH!"

Whoever came up with this idea needs to be voted into the "Most Idiotic Dumb___ Club" with honors. It’s obviously the same person that decided hallways are a great place to store those awaiting operations.

“Hey everybody, look at me! Is my gown covering everything down there?”

I Just Wanna Go Home!!!!

Source: Google Free Images

A Final Word (or two)

Very few people look forward to entering a hospital for treatment. There’s always a possibility they may not leave afterwards. Therefore, they should be treated with the utmost care and respect. Besides, who’ll pay the staff's salaries if they kill all of us?

These were just a few suggestions to help out the paying guests in your local facility. We know they’re “leaving the lights on for us” day and night, as Motel 6 does, but they have to remember it’s the little things that count. If they would only use a few of the above recommendations and put them into action, we might even give them a tip like ...

“Go somewhere else for treatment!”

DISCLAIMER:

Okay, before I get blasted by everyone in the medical industry, let me say that this was entirely in jest and bears absolutely no resemblance to the actual treatment received. (And, then, the capsule with Willie Wonka shot up into the sky ... )

Seriously, I know that hospital staffs are tremendously overworked. Why, the conversations they have at the nurses station (of which I was close to and could hear much of what went on) are very technical in nature, especially when discussing home DVR problems, texts from boyfriends and kids, and other such professional duties. Still, I came out with my vision somewhat restored, so I really can't complain.

God Bless our Doctors and Nurses!

A Quick Poll

The last time you were a patient in a hospital, were you satisfied with the treatment you received?

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