Of Course I'm Laughing At You! (Social/Humor)

And, I'm Laughing With You!

There's always things that we say or do that makes you slink away in embarrassment. You know, things that make absolutely no sense at all, but because of a second of stupidity, make your face red, your stomach queasy, and give you this immediate need to have a bowel movement. (And, no, I ain't talkin' about spillin' your Activia on the crotch of your pants, and then makin' out that it's only the sweat comin' off the coke cup you've got settin' between your legs!)

Let's take a look at some instances that if you'd have only of thought about in advance, may have saved you a little embarrassment.

While Driving

1) Driving a car entails a responsibility to all around you. So, if you're gonna beeatin' while you drive, you might wanna make sure you bring enough for everyone!

You don't know how many evil eye's I've given to parents at stoplights. There's nothin' worse than a grown adult, munchin' away on an ice cream cone that they've stolen from their kids. Poor kids, chained and padlocked in those car seat cells, just a cryin' away 'cause mom took away the ice cream.

If ya gonna smoke that wacky tobacky, you know you're gonna get the munchies. Don't buy your kid something healthy like a double fudge ice cream cone and then steal it! Buy your own and maybe we won't turn your butt in to child services!

Alvin, Simon & Theodore express their apologies for not being able to be present at the photo shoot. This is Fred. He doesn't sing, but he does enjoy eating fingers!

2) Another thing.... these damn cell phones... if you're gonna talk and drive, at least drive! I'm tired of sittin' behind you at a green light while you talk or text to your friends about what you're gonna do later. Hell, you're sittin' at a green light. You ain't goin' anywhere!

"Hey,18 Chains and a backward baseball cap.... MOVE!"

You ain't gonna go on red, are you! And, yellow may be pretty, but sittin' down as low in the seat as you are, you probably think it's Venus shinin' on your beautiful $300 car with the $2800 stereo woofers. Least, all anyone can hear is those woofers... poundin' the speakers and rattlin' all the screws loose in that piece of crap you're drivin' with shiny chrome wheels!.

3) And lastly, if you're a parent, whether stoned or not, be careful what you're caught singin' and listenin' to at stoplights. My daughter found a church bus load of kids laughin' at her one day as she sang, "Funkytown" with Alvin & The Chipmunks! Guess it's better than being caught singing an Adam Lambert song, though!

Retail Stores

1) Guys, stay outta the women's underwear sections. Pay someone to buy this stuff for you! Stand on the other side of the aisle in the Shoe Department and whisper which one's you want that person to buy. And, for God's sake, never get caught tryin' any of them on. Wal-Mart will take almost anything back, so take it home and bring it back if it don't fit!

2) Now, if you're usin' a bank debit card, and you ain't got any cash in the bank, get over the embarrassment and walk out when it's turned down. Don't stand there like a fool, with everyone watchin', and try to write a check from the same account! You know they're gonna run it through and it'll bounce. Save yourself the pain and just walk out.

3) Also, remember, 'specially in grocery stores, that there are people around you! Nothing bothers many of us more than to get behind a person and cart, blockin' the aisle, shuffling along in flip flops at .0004 mph, who suddenly decides to back up without lookin'! If you don't want us going"beep...beep...beep.. " like one of them big assed trucks do when they're backin' up, then simply move off to the side, let traffic pass, and then shift into reverse!

Gas Stations Or Convenience Stores

Just some general rules here:

1) Always remember what side the car's gas cap is on when you pull up to the pump so you don't look like a fool turning the car around!

2) Don't pick up the green handle for your Prius. Goin' green is not the right thing to do here unless you have a diesel Prius, and they don't make them... believe me, they don't!

and

3) There are no change slots on gas pumps. Keep your quarters in the coin purse till you go inside after one of them 147 oz. cokes you love to keep between your legs while you eat your Activia.

In Closing

Hope you saved yourself some embarrassment! Remember, it's never to late to think, you just gotta remember to do it every now and then!

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