What If Our Pets Talked About Us On Hubpages (Humor)

To Fear or Not To Fear, That Is Something Only You Know!

In my short time on Hubpages, I’m happy to say I’ve got to know some of you fairly well. Your support has been amazing and your comments so kind. It makes me believe that each of you are tremendous individuals.

I have created a monster, though. By putting his picture on the web in a couple of hubs, my cat, Faletame, has gotten somewhat famous. Wanting his time in the spotlight, he has a little something to say to a few of you!

Ads by Google

It’s My Time To Speak! (Rich & Billybuc)

First, I just want to correct Rich. I don’t know how many times I have to tell him I’m a dog, not a cat! I’m a dog that uses a litter box because Rich is too damn lazy to take me out for a walk! All he does is sit at the computer and check his statistics, drink coffee like crazy, and smoke the house up so much I’m probably going to die from second hand smoke inhalation! Look! My fur's yellowing with nicotine! Ugh! He puts in so much time looking over this website and writing that I have to physically grab him to get him off his ass so that he’ll play with me. He’s the one that needs a leash so I can drag his tail away from that damn keyboard.

Billybuc: Don’t you dare walk away! You’re not immune here! If you wouldn’t go around complimenting everyone in your down home personality, maybe their tails wouldn’t be resembling 50 lb. bags of Purina Dog Chow! Oh, by the way, I’ve been talking to your dog (on those few occasions you leave to go to the bathroom). He kind of likes you. But, if you don’t start paying him scale wages for filming you every day, he’s gonna take you to court and get everything you have! With all the cash you make from Hubpages, you can spare it! You know that and I know that! Give it up, big boy!

Josh3418

You’re a real worry, boy! Your dog tells me that you never go out! You sit there, typing all sorts of cutsy Limericks and articles, but you never go out! Let me tell you, before Rich had me fixed, you couldn’t keep me at home! I was out every night, checkin’ out the babes on the block, smellin’ around (and around and around) and enjoying life! You gotta get out, lad. Start smellin’ the roses (a little more over to the left if you don’t mind, I kinda forgot I did a little something right there yesterday) and get out more. Stop dreamin’ and findin’ out you’re only dreamin’ when you wake up! Try this one on for size:

There was a young man we’ll call Josh

who pretended he was Peter Tosh

found a sweet chick

wanted him quick

But all he could say was “My Gosh”

Patty Kenyon

Girl, you got your cat brainwashed. She thinks you’re absolutely perfect! You’re a good wife, you take care of the kids, you clean the house and cook dinner, and then you somehow find time to write. Oh, and you’re pretty good a keeping the litter box halfway clean. Although, last weekend, when you forgot, after serving her that Spicy Mexican Little Friskies, she almost let you have it. If you do it again watch out when you sit down at your computer! That’s all I can say!

Kittythedreamer,

Kitty: Your cat talks about being a human in a cat’s body. I have no idea if it’s true or not, but when I brought up the Meow Mix commercial kitty, he wasn’t turned on at all. He would like to add that if you continue to stink up the house with that cauldron on top of the stove, he’s going to contribute to the odor of the home, too. (Psst, he said something about a cupboard) But, he wanted to add he’s only joking and to please not cast another spell on him. And, personally, I think you’re great. No complaints. Ahhh, do you think you could change me back into a dog’s body?

Nell Rose & Becky Bruce

Nell Rose, I had to go to your neighbor’s dog to get the scoop on you. He says you constantly have problems figuring out the difference between dogs and cats. (That’s something I can vouch to.) He also said that even though you act so proper on Hubpages, you do a mean head banging to Ozzy and the rest of Black Sabbath. Says you’ve got this black T-shirt that’s cut way up to… well, anyway, he says you’re a rockin’ lady. He would appreciate another biscuit from time to time, if you don’t mind.

and most of all…

Becky Bruce, How are things on the West Coast. "Fa Suuurahh!" Just joking. Your dog thinks a lot of you. Even says you take him for a walk….that’s singular “A” Walk at least once a day! Trouble is HE’S GOT TO GO MORE THAN ONCE A DAY!!! He knows you’re blond… or at least he thinks you’re blond, but lady, you gotta remember the smaller the dog the smaller the bladder!! Put that avocado down and take him outside more. Otherwise, that computer may develop an electrical short. Can you say, “Moisture Damage?”

Okay, I'm Almost Done

There’s many more of you that I have insight on from your pets. Some is good, and some is damn right embarrassing. Take it from the words of a dog in a cat’s body. “Be careful leaving your computer on Hubpages when you leave the room. It’s amazing how many words claws can type in just a couple of minutes!!!”

Faletame's Disclaimer (Because not everyone has a sense of humor)

If there is any animosity or discontent In what's been written here, please take it up with Becky Bruce who inspired this hub with a comment she wrote in one of Rich's hubs. I won’t be responsible, nor will my so called master, Rich, be responsible for anything your animals asked to be said here. Rich would like for me to say to have mercy upon him, for my acts are in no way indicative of his. You’re all, and others not mentioned due to space constraints, tremendous talents. You just gotta pay more attention to us from time to time. Especially, when our bladders call! And hopefully, the next time you see me, I’ll have my dog’s body back!

Rich's Disclaimer

I sincerely hope none of you are offended by being a part of this hub. All comments were meant in jest and were hopefully taken that way. I appreciate all of you, and many more that weren't mentioned (at least I still have some friends left).

©Copyright RCRUMPLE2012. All Rights Reserved