Secession Petitions Filed
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| The R.S.R. may just be born, but I've got some great ideas for running the country!
Source: Stock Free Images
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As of this writing, 38 states have had residents filed secession petitions on the White House's website called, "We The People." In other words, it's time for the liberals to have their own country, and the rednecks to have their own.
These petitions accuse the federal government of neglecting its duties and allowing more and more foreign and domestic spending to take place. It also states that the NDAA and TSA are abusing the rights of the country's citizens. Therefore, the petitions take into consideration the need to protect the citizens' standard of living and their rights and liberties as our founding fathers intended.
Think people may be a little fed up with the way the politicians are playing games with their lives?
Yep! It's time to say, "Goodbye to the United States of America" and "Hello to the Redneck States Republic!"
YEEEEE-HAAWWWW!!!!
A New Republic Is Born
Initial Set-Up
Some of the states that have petitioned have no chance of getting the required number of signatures. In fact, most of the Northeastern states, and those on the far West Coast are extremely doubtful of gaining more than they can afford to buy.
So, the Central, Midwest, and Southern states will be the primary area of concentration. This is Redneck Country and home of chewing tobacco, tractors, and 4x4 pick-up trucks with rifle racks. Add some moonshine and grits, and you've met all necessary qualifications to run for public office!
New Capitol
The new capitol of the Redneck States Republic (R.S.R.) would be in Birmingham, Alabama. This is the city chosen because there's nothing to do there! Without distractions, the new government could actually get down to accomplishing what it was meant to do ... govern for the people.
Whatta concept!
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| Everyone can own a home from Bubba's!
Source: Wikimedia Commons
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New Credit Standards
No longer would the credit be based on the current "Yankee" credit bureaus. All credit reporting would come from Bubba Lester's Mobile Home Service and Sales. (Owning a dog on a rope, a pink flamingo, and two ugly kids playing in a mud puddle would instantly qualify you for the double wide you've always wanted!)
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| Come and listen to a story bout a new republic, a rich country now, after leaving Washington. Was out one day just huntin' for some crude, Now we have all we need, we can afford food!
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New Monetary Standard
As the Middle East has established, oil is the new monetary standard. The Gulf Of Mexico and many untapped oil rich lands exist within the seceding states. Oil refineries construction will provide many new jobs, and the refineries themselves will add some permanent positions as they are completed.
The Redneck States Republic will find itself one of the richest countries in the world within only a few years. Double wides will be replaced by permanent housing as time advances, but only for those that choose a lifestyle without wheels and pink flamingoes. (They can keep the two ugly kids and the dog on the rope since no one else wants them anyway!)
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| "It's Huntin' Season ... Year Round!"
Source: Stock Free Images
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Illegal Immigration
The Redneck Rifle Association Members would be in charge of illegal immigration problems. No longer could individuals enter the United States illegally and take advantage of all the benefits the working class has sweated bullets earning. Year round hunting season along the Rio Grande and border fences would be the norm, or, as long as the wildlife continued illegal migration efforts.
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| FEMA, Schmema, let me show you how people who really care can help out in time of need!
Source: Stock Free Images
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R.H.A. (Redneck Hospitality Association)
The Redneck Hospitality Association will replace the ineffective FEMA for the new republic. Local rednecks will be in charge as they have themselves been victims of hurricanes and tornadoes and know how to handle emergency situations with a smile.
Southern Baptist churches and blue haired grannies will be in charge of breakfast grits, box lunches and hot coffee for all in need. Sweet tea in plastic bottles will be forbidden, but if you bring your glass, they'll refill it for free!
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| "How about I only charge you if I find something wrong? I know that may sound strange, but there's no reason to give you 50 tests to prove you're in good health. What? You've never heard that before? 
Push-Ups will have new meaning
in the new military!
Source: Stock Free Images
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Health Care
Modern health care facilities are already available in the republic. However, these facilities will no longer operate as high profit structures. The "country doctor concept" of paying for medical care with fresh baked pies or cakes, cooked 'possum, or reasonable rates for benefits received will be the norm.
The R.S.R. will be home to professionals that wish to follow their oath instead of the dollar God. If any who only want to get rich and milk the system are discovered, they will be forced to leave of the republic, forfeit their 4x4, and"Medical Carpetbagger" will be tattooed on their foreheads by Miss Katy's second grade class.
Military Service
All male individuals hitting age 18 will be required to spend a mandatory two years in the military. It will teach all how to properly shift a 4x4 pick-up truck, ensure proper handling of 12 gauge shotguns, and add muscle bulk to those that wish to play college football at enlistment end.
Females will be allowed to join up, as long as they can prove themselves tough enough to fend off a Yankee banker's advances, lift and aim a 12 gauge, and manage to spit dip drool into a Mountain Dew bottle.
As the republic believes in honoring those in the military, guzzling alcoholic beverages (including moonshine) will be allowed by law for all serving their country.
If they serve, they are to be served!
Time for a drink, soldiers!
Residents of the following states have filed petitions: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Nevada, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin and Wyoming.
Some Final Thoughts
There is much wrong with our current system. Many recognize that politicians no longer represent the common man. As campaigns cost millions, it takes a wealthy individual to run for office. It's only common sense that the wealthy protects the wealthy and their interests first. Everything else is secondary, if that!
Just because the petitions have been filed, don't look for secession to take place. It takes 25,000 signatures for a petition to even get a look. Plus, current politicians would never allow it. They simply have life too good to consider any other options.
Give them a $35,000 a year household income and make them all live in a single wide mobile home during a tornado or hurricane, and they might have to change their minds ...
as well as their pants!
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